Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
