Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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