If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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