so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
