My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
