There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
