I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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