Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
