get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
