Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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