so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
