just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize