Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He passed out mid-signature
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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