i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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