my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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