i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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