Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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