Can i not drive my cunt home
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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