Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
