Why are handjobs necessary in class?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i've created a new STD.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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