I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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