You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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