i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
