absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
