you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
