The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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