My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
