you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
