the new term for farting is butt boxing.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
