Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
