I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
