I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
