He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
