If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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