I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
