wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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