no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
