the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
