Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's never too late to be topless.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
