My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
