just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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