there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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