I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
