you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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