Are we in a gay sports bar?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
