he thought i was a dude.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
