I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
