spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
