woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
