just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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