You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
