Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize