i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
