I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
