Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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