Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
