So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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