so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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