dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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